How To Annoy Or Scare Atlantis Personnel
by poisonivy2115
Summary: Ways to annoy or scare Sheppard, Weir, Woolsey, Kavanagh, Rodney, Ronon, Teyla, Carson, Keller
1. John Sheppard

Ways To Annoy Or Scare John Sheppard

1. Tell him Elizabeth is in love with Rodney.

2. Tell him you're going to have his child.

3. Tell him Steve has a crush on him.

4. Tell him Woolsey has a crush on him.

5. Shave his head while he sleeps;

6. Tell him Rodney did it.

7. Tell him Ronon has a crush on him.

8. Buy him a comb for Christmas.

9. Lock him in a room with Bill.

10. Steal his jumper.

11. Make him comb his hear.

12. Make him watch Dumbo. Tell him they have much in common.

13. Sneak up on him while he sleeps and write Kirk all over his face.

14. Use an ancient device to make a comb follow him around, until he uses it;

15. Make the comb follow him around anyway.

16. Have Carson tell him he was castrated by mistake.

17. Tell him tier was a man.

18. Tell him he's going bald.

19. Show him a picture of Woolsey and tell him that's what he'll look like in 20 years.

20. Sneak up behind him and give him a Mohawk;

21. When he confronts you about it, say he doesn't look different.

22. Ask him to tell Sumner you said hello.

23. Be Kolya. Be alive.

24. Tell him you killed Weir.

25. Paint a scar on his head and call him "the chosen one".

26. Superglue posters of the iratus bug all over his room.

27. Rename everything. Convince the military to use your names.

28. Buy him a t-shirt that says 100 Kirk and be very offended when he refuses to wear it;

29. Make sure to tell him you made it yourself.

30. Spread the rumor that he had a tattoo of a daisy;

31. Avoid to mention where;

32. Approach him and ask him if it's true;

33. Or convince Rodney to do it.

34. Steal his turkey sandwich.

35. Take out a life insurance policy on his name.

36. Tell him Kolya's alive.

37. Introduce him to Simon.

38. Call him Harry Potter.

39. Call him Luke Skywalker.

40. Buy him a dog collar.

41. Buy him a chew toy for Christmas.

42. Gather up all the women he had a one night stand with.

43. Introduce them to flame throwers.

44. During conversion, ask him why he looks so blue.

45. Step on a cockroach in front of him, and then ask them if they were related.

46. Give the whumpers his phone number and home address.

47. Sneak some fan girls in his closet. (might annoy Elizabeth more)

48. Tell him you're a Mckay/Weir shipper

49. Tell him he probably has about 100 kids by now

50. Lock him in a closet with Mckay and tell Elizabeth

I'm not very good at humor, but I was bored one day and I thought I'd give it a try. Let me know what you think, especially if you have other "ways" to add.


	2. Elizabeth Weir

Ways to annoy Elizabeth Weir

1. Tell her Sheppard is married.

2. Tell her Sheppard's the father of Teyla's baby.

3. Tell her Rodney blew up another solar system.

4. Tell her Carson and ford broke into the game room.

5. Ask for Sheppard's job.

6. Take command of Atlantis.

7. Tell her Woolsey is taking command of Atlantis.

8. Start growing marijuana in Atlantis.

9. Be Oberoth. Be alive.

10. Nuke an advanced population on behalf of earth, and then run for cover.

11. Tell her you've killed Sheppard.

12. Steal her chocolate;

13. Tell her Sheppard did it;

14. Leave the wrapper on his bed for her to find, when she confronts him about it.

15. Convince Katie to start growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms.

16. Bring a flying monkey to Atlantis;

17. Insist that it followed you home and ask if you can keep it;

18. Make big puppy dog eyes when she says no;

19. Mutter "works for Sheppard" when she says no again.

20. Through Rodney off a balcony;

21. Insist that it builds character.

22. Program drones to make rude words in the air.

23. Ask her what eye sex with Sheppard is like.

24. Tell her the ancients love Woolsey more.

* * *

Woolsey and Kavanagh are next. They're just too annoying to be left alone.


	3. Richard Woolsey

Ways to Annoy, Confuse, or Scare Richard Woolsey

1. Ask him if you can rub his head for luck.

2. Tell him you stole his teddy bear.

3. Ask him to hold the baby till you get back;

4. Never come back.

5. Ask him to change the baby's diaper.

6. Get him stuck in a transporter.

7. Get him transported to a deserted part of the city. Forget him there;

8. When he tries to contact help, tell him you're busy and ask him to leave a message after the beep.

9. Make sure the power goes out; ask him if you can use his head for a light bulb.

10. Get him a bottle of Mr. Fur for Christmas.

11. Send him to a Hairless Anonymous meeting.

12. Tell him Steve has a crush on him.

13. Tell him Oberoth has a crush on him.

14. Put a sign that says kick me on his back.

15. Leave a newspaper add on his desk, that says: hope for the hairless.

16. Give him a bottle of dog food and tell him it's an Ancient cure for baldness;

17. Bring a pack of dogs to Atlantis and have them follow him around.

18. Light a match and put it on his head;

19. When he screams and asks you what you're doing, smile proudly and say: where there's pain, there's life.

20. Hit him on the head with a newspaper repeatedly, saying mosquito.

21. Give him a bottle of hair growing formula. Say bottoms up. Freak out when he drinks it and say it goes on his head.

22. Steal his glasses;

23. Tell him Sheppard did it;

24. Sit on his glasses, and let him know you found them.

25. Make him go to the mainland to get some tan. Put a reflector by his head after he dozes off.

26. Feed him to Steve.

27. Ask Teyla and Ronon to hit his head with a poll. Tell them that's how Earthlings play pool.

28. Write all your reports in ancient. When he complains about it, tell him Elizabeth could read it.

29. Send him balloons with ears for Christmas.

30. Lock him in a room with Koracen.

31. Tell him to be proud of his hairline, no matter where it may wonder across his head.

32. Ask him to turn around so you can check your make up.

33. Shoot a drone down his pants.

34. Make him wear a cape and call him the human flashlight.

35. Walk up to him and say: full moon tonight.

36. Get a wraith drunk and make it ask Woolsey to marry it.

37. Ask him if he, Caldwell and Ellis have the same barber.

38. Yell after him in a motherly voice "don't forget to change your underwear, dear".

39. Offer to read his future in his head;

40. If he lets you, predict his approaching demise.

* * *

Yeah, I know, I was mean. Nothing personal, I just feel the need to torture anyone who sits in Elizabeth's chair. evil grin


	4. Kavanagh

* * *

Ways to annoy Kavanagh

1. Show him a picture of Ronon.

2. Make him take a bath;

3. Make him wash his hear in addition to the bath.

4. Cut his ponytail as he sleeps.

5. Paint his ponytail pink.

6. Steal his teddy bear.

7. Make him join the Weir fan club.

8. Steal his glasses;

9. Make him pay you to help him find them.

10. Ask him why he's not as smart as Rodney and Radek.

11. Feed him to a wraith.

12. Throw him off a balcony.

13. Introduce the athosian kids to paintball;

14. Then superglue a bull's eye to his forehead.

15. Run him over with a jumper.

16. Tell the kids if they hit him with bats, chocolate comes out;

17. Ask them to call him piñata.

18. Teach the Athosian kids how to play pin the donkey on the ponytail.

19. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every day, in front of him. While you're doing so, look at him and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

20. Poke him until he cries.

21. Follow him around and spray disinfects everything he touches saying "the germ is multiplying".

22. Drape clothing over him. Insist that you thought he was a chair.

23. Sacrifice him to a moon god.

* * *

I can't remember his first name.


	5. Rodney

Ways to annoy/scare Rodney

1. Tell him Radek's smarter than him.

2. Let him know what Elizabeth and John were really doing in his closet.

3. Buy him lemons for Christmas.

4. Plant a lemon tree in the middle of his room.

5. Be Cadman.

6. Be cocky about it

7. Paint his head pink while he sleeps.

8. Tie him to a lemon tree.

9. Call him Meredith.

10. Be an Azgard;

11. Make sure you correct all of his calculations.

12. Eat the last of the strawberries.

13. Eat his whale.

14. Send him flowers. Make sure Carson's name is on the card.

15. Send him a link to the most graphic Mckay/Sheppard fic you can find.

16. Lock him in a closet with Sheppard.

17. Make sure to put a hidden camera in the closet before you do

18. If anything compromising happens, put it on youtube.

19. Tell him what's on the net never really goes away

20. Send a link to everyone in Atlantis

21. Photoshop compromising pictures of him and Sheppard

22. Email them to Jenifer (and Elizabeth) (15-22 also work for Sheppard)

23. Tell him Jennifer loves Ronon

24. Tell him you're a Jenifer/Ronon shipper

25. Tell him Ronon/Sheppard hugs him in his sleep

Sorry it took so long to update, but I forgot what email adress I was using, if you can believe it

I also added 5 other ways to annoy Sheppard. He's the easyest target


	6. Ronon

Ways to annoy/scare Ronon

1. Be a wraith. Be alive

2. Tell him who Conan really is.

3. Tell him what Chewie really is.

4. Be Lucius.

5. Hit on Teyla.

6. Lock him in a storage room with Mr. Creedy.

7. Tell him Steve has a crush on him.

8. Tell him Woolsey has a crush on him.

9. Tell him he'd make a great ballerina.

10. Buy him a tutu for Christmas. Make sure it's pink.

11. Tell him Satedan military is a joke.

12. Be Teal'c. Be cocky about it.

13. Raise eyebrow. A lot.

14. Tell him what a monkey really is.

15. Offer him anger management classes.

16. Get 3 Wraith. Paint the numbers 1, 2 and 4 on them and let them loose in the city;

17. After he kills them, tell him he missed one and send him to find it.

18. Buy him a stress ball.

19. Shave his head while he sleeps.

20. Paint his nails pink.

21. Show him this list

22. While on earth, give him the address of a gay bar and tell him it's where Earth's finest fighter hang out.

23. Dress like him and follow him around

24. Read a Sheppard/Ronon fanfic out loud.

25. Ask him if he molests Rodney in his sleep


End file.
